I’ve been spending a lot of time not posting too much on my “Yoga” accounts. Trying to spend more time painting and listening and existing. And, then for some reason I started my (this past) Sunday off just completely consumed with Anxiety I just couldn’t get rid of. Monday, I took my daughter in to the Pediatrician because she’s always sick with a cold. Like, ALWAYS. And now, talk of more serious issues are happening and I won’t get her blood test results back until this coming Monday.
Between Monday and yesterday has been nothing but negative self talk and emotional instability. Why. Is what I ask myself. I help others with their problems, so why is this all coming back to me? Am I consuming everyone else’s fear and anxiety and then manifesting it within? I don’t know.
Last night was a nightmare. My poor husband. The kids were just completely balls to the walls insane. And also, apparently, deaf. All day long. Then, as I stepped over the baby gate to our room to put my husbands Valentine card by his side of the bed.. my foot caught the gate. I fell hard. I spilled my water all over his card. And then I lost my complete shit. It was bad. A lot of bad words. A lot of throwing things. Like a fucking toddler. Then I sat there and I cried. I had a true mental and emotional meltdown. Why.
The truth is, I’m pouring from an empty cup. I have over 40 birds in my care. I run a business. I run a rescue. I fund raise. I dog sit (we have a golden puppy here now who is adorable). I’m trying to be a great wife and a great mother to 7 biological and bonus children. And I’m tired.
This is my truth. Right now. And if I only shared the helpful and the good, nobody would realize I am just as human as you. And you are just as human as me. And we all throw tantrums sometimes. We all do too much and try to be too much.
So, today I’m just going to be an introvert. Probably through the weekend. I’m going to step back about 100 feet and work this out. Then, probably share how I did it. If I accomplish a solution.